Holding a difficult conversation as a manager? Here’s how to handle it
As a manager, difficult conversations come with the job. Whether it’s sick leave, underperformance or tensions within the team: good preparation makes it so much easier to tackle sensitive topics. With these 9 tips, you can turn every difficult conversation into a new opportunity for the the road ahead.
Don’t wait too long
Has an incident occurred? If so, don’t wait until the situation escalates. Procrastinating increases the problem inside your mind. Have you decided to finally bring it up? Then it usually doesn’t go too well. Moreover, chances are your employee will feel overwhelmed. “‘You should have mentioned this earlier,’ is an expectable reaction. Rather, address problems right away. That removes frustration along both sides and increases the chances of finding efficient solutions.
Prepare well
Take the time to prepare your conversation beforehand. Avoid vague statements such as “I feel you are less engaged,” but back up your feedback with concrete facts. Gather relevant information, such as performance data, input from customers and colleagues, and provide concrete examples that emphasize your point. This prevents the conversation from slipping into a yes-no discussion.
Dare to be specific
Fearing the other person’s reaction, we often use soothing words such as “maybe,” “actually,” and “sometimes. It would be best not to do this, as they weaken your message. Be clear and don’t beat around the bush. Sandwiching criticism with compliments also confuses and irritates. Dare to state the problem in plain terms. By communicating openly yourself, you encourage the other person to do the same. An open communication culture is worth its weight in gold for companies. It increases engagement in the workplace and ultimately benefits performance.
Know your objective
Consider in advance what you hope to achieve with the meeting. Do you want to see a behavioral change, gain insight into someone’s motivation or deliver a difficult message? A clear goal helps keep the conversation structured. If you don’t know where you want to go yet, how can the other person understand?
Ask one question at a time
You have your argument ready, but are probably also curious about your employee’s point of view. Avoid asking multiple questions at once. ‘Tell us about your absenteeism? Do you have an explanation for that yourself? Do you have too much work or is something going on at home? Your interviewer can then choose which question to respond to. Ask one specific question and wait for the answer before continuing the conversation.
Listen actively
Don’t get distracted by the thoughts that pop into your head during the conversation. Do your best to listen actively. You should not only listen to what the other person is saying, but also try to understand what is behind it. Let your conversational partner speak and dare to ask questions when you do not understand something. Showing interest in the other person’s perspective does not mean that you agree, but shows that you are willing to hear what the other person thinks. Active listening is the key to understanding and trust and increases the likelihood of a more constructive conversation. It not only strengthens engagement, but also lowers the risk of valuable employees leaving the organization.
Show empathy
A difficult conversation can trigger emotions such as disappointment, frustration or sadness. Expect some resistance. No one likes to receive negative feedback. Give the employee space to express those feelings. Stay calm and show understanding, without talking away the problem. Empathy helps relieve tension and makes it easier to search for a solution together.
Pay attention to nonverbal communication
Don’t just listen to words; pay attention to nonverbal communication. That tells you a lot about how your message is being received. Also be aware of your own body language. Avoid a defensive posture, but open yourself up and make eye contact. This is how you show that you really want to engage in conversation.
Make concrete agreements and follow up
End the conversation with clear agreements. What is expected of the employee? List these agreements again in a confirmation e-mail to avoid misunderstandings. After the conversation, make sure there is a good follow-up and offer support where necessary. This is how you show your commitment and strengthen trust, which is essential for sustainable success.
